Let's Start Raising Our Expectations

Promise me you'll give this a try. The next time you think about what you want from your relationships, work, and health make an effort to expect things to work in your favor. When something good happens, be sure to celebrate your success without thinking that your happiness can't last. You know me for having a positive attitude. Through this newsletter, my talks, and by how I treat people you probably wouldn't think I ever had a negative outlook on life. Just three years ago I was in a terrible slump. We're talking similar to the NFL's Detroit Lions who, by the way, won 0 out of 16 games this season. I had hit a pretty low point and stopped believing that I could live up to my potential. What made it more difficult was that I wanted to live up to my promise. I just didn't think i could. Whatever I tried to put together seemed to fall apart. Any effort I made to make things right appeared to immediately go wrong. I had thrown up my hands in surrender. At least that's what I thought. Even while I was in this funk my sister would tell me to do more, be more, and expect more. She would say (as she still does) "stop thinking so small. Think about how you can reach people globally." My thoughts would be, Sis, I love you, but I'm afraid you've gone mad. When things aren't going your way the natural thing to do is to lower your expectations. And that's exactly what I did. I was just following my instincts. What I was doing was lowering my expectations so that they were more in line with my reality. Dreaming about living a luxurious lifestyle? No way. Seeking my unique life purpose? Whatever. Going for greatness? Man, please.

When you've had a string of consecutive disappointments it's natural to anticipate pain and protect yourself from it. However, the key to turning things around is not giving up on your dreams. Rather, the answer lies in squeezing on to them a little bit tighter. No coaching, reading, or meditating can benefit you as long as you replay negative self-talk. As long as say you don't deserve to be loved, or no one will support your new venture or no matter how hard you try or how much you study you'll never be a good student, that's what you'll manifest. By the way, you will want to be careful about who you share your dreams with. To put it bluntly, some folks are, whether intentionally or not, "dream-killers". Not everyone can see and appreciate your vision. I was able to break out of my slump because I started to "manage" my expectations. What I mean is that I was careful about raising my expectations so high and so fast that I would be vulnerable to more frustration and end up surrendering my dreams. I employed a "stepping-stone" approach where I set small, short-term goals, achieved them, and then built enough confidence to go for larger accomplishments. By taking small steps you can make adjustments along the way, clear your vision, and raise your standards. Instead of being so stressed, frustrated, and disappointed, you will be contented with your progress because you will know where you're going and be better equipped to handle the journey. Expectantly yours, Derek

Lessons from "A Raisin In The Sun"

Last night on ABC was the airing of the much-hyped TV movie, A Raisin in The Sun. The small-screen production was originally a play by Lorraine Hansberry that debuted on Broadway in 1959. The story is based upon a family's own experiences growing up in Chicago's Woodlawn neighborhood (my hometown!).

The strong performances of the cast members, which included Phylicia Rashad, Sanaa Lathan, and the ubiquitous Sean "Diddy" Combs, inspired a couple of thoughts.

1. Diddy is a perfect example of why it's so important to be considered great or an expert at one thing first. Back in the early 1990's he built a reputation (brand) for being a shrewd music mogul with a strong sense of style, a hit-making producer, and for having discovered many musical acts, such as Mary J. Blige, who went on to super stardom.

He focused all of his energy on being the best record executive he could be before he opened a restaurant, started a clothing line, and became a television star. Do you see the process? He became the standard in his respective industry then created spin-off businesses that were just natural extensions of himself and his brand. And now, there's a strong possibility that he'll be nominated for an award for his role as "Walter Lee Younger".

There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of ideas. Just don’t pursue them all at once. Keep a journal and write them down. Then, after you’ve established yourself, take a look at your list. You might find that you have some viable ideas that may work.

2. We all want opportunities to live our dreams. But, will you be prepared when the chance comes? Diddy's character, Walter Lee Younger, wanted so badly to get out of his situation as a low-wage driver who received even less respect. He begged his mother to give him $10,000 that she was getting as an insurance settlement. Then, when he finally got $6500 to go into business as a liquor store owner, he lost it to his "business partner" who ran off with the money.

Anyone can get conned out of money. However Walter Lee was so overly excited about he business that I wonder if he would've gotten duped had he done more research - on the business and his "partner".

One of my favorite quotes comes from Muhammad Ali: "I'd either won or lost the fight before I got in the ring." What Ali meant was that if he trained properly, put in the time, gave attention to details, bled and sweat, he knew that he was ready.

Have you put in the necessary time and preparation to be ready when your shot comes?

American Idol Contestant: Exhausted All of His Options?

So I'm watching American Idol a few days ago and one of the contestants is voted off the show by the judges. There is always a wannabe singer who acts a fool when she's dissed by Simon Cowell. But, this one guy said, after he got the boot, "What am I going to do next with my life? I can't believe I didn't make it to the next round!" If you would have seen his audition you would've been surprised that he made it as far as he did. But, that's another story. Moving on...

Come to find out, the singer who was having a fit over not making it is only 21 years old. I'd say he has plenty of time to figure out what he's "going to do next." For entertainers, speakers, writers, cops, and just about anything else, there's always more than one way to achieve your goals. For a singer, American Idol is just one of hundreds of ways to make a living as a vocalist.

One of my friends is an actor who has uncovered a gazillion outlets that let her pursue her passion. She has appeared in movies, TV shows, plays, commercials, a "live" CD; created a theater company, acted in live Internet broadcasts, and currently, she's on a luxury cruise ship in Europe performing nightly shows. On top of that, she told me that if she didn't get another gig, she would become a teacher and coach others to theatrical glory.

When you think you've gotten to the point where you're ready to raise the white flag of surrender, ask this question: Have I exhausted all of my options? You see, if there's more that you can do, if there are more opportunities out there, then you owe it to yourself to seek them out.

Other questions to consider are: How badly do I want this? Am I really committed to this journey? What am I willing to sacrifice for this endeavor? Can I live with the sacrifices I may have to make?

It's often in the very process of achieving goals that we forfeit our victory. The danger in giving up too soon is that we never arrive at the place we're supposed to be. Decide today to pursue your dreams with all the energy you have. As my coaches used to tell me, "Leave everything you have on the field today!" Don't give up when you still have something to give! The best is yet to come!